Unleashing the beast


just back in from the city of roses, and holy smokes! those cats can make a meal.  but the pinnacle of my left coast culinary adventure was executed by the magnificent naomi pomeroy and mika paredes of beast. i then proceeded to spend half my paycheck on food (cooking my own beast inspired thanksgiving) and it was worth every penny.

their masthead is just like the greeting at the door; a weary, hard-earned smile presenting you flowers along with their mouth-watering grizzly bone (rrrrrrrrrrrrr !!!)

all *beautiful photos via Alicia J. Rose

Now warning: I will try my best to explain what happened at Beast, but this restaurant gave me a boner of such epic proportions that I’m not sure I can possibly do it justice.  I will try….

Their website explains that the name Beast implies:

i hear you ladies, i heeeear YOU!

We are frank in our appreciation of meat.

they continue….

Our food is simple, refined, and- dare we say- feminine.

We let our moods and our sensual appreciation of what the fields, forests and oceans are yielding dictate our weekly menus.

Hot tip: this is clearly not my photo (as you’ll see below) and they change the menu every week, but there is a FOIE-GRAS BON-BON with a SAUTERNES GELEÉ on that plate, aka the most amazing bite you’ll ever taste in your life. ever. and then i definitely see steak tartare and a perfectly placed quail egg on toast sitting there, too. Whah? Whah? I know.

We are inspired by French Grandmothers, (bisous!)

but our days are spent prepping to the sounds of our favorite rock-n-roll bands

*see, my photos start here. the lighting was low and the flash was rude, forgive me.

( Timeout: We need to address the music. Because I tried to get the playlist and was told their playlist changes all the time and is whatever these goddesses feel like playing. in other words, i didn’t get it. but good god i sure would love to. our djs mastered a tempo for both preparing and enjoying the menu. it was orchestrated beautifully.

my kitchen view of naomi doing her thang..... and oops, who's that? holler portland, nice dining with you!

I was overwhelmed, enjoying every tiny morsel entering my mouth, watching them prepare each bite, while trying to laugh at and ponder the chalked quotes and recipes written all over the wall, as rock harmony filled the room, that i’ve completely blacked out on what any of the actual songs were.

Seriously guys, music danced around the meal, leading you to crescendo into each bite, of all. six. courses. are you comprehending the magnitude of this?

Then, just when you thought things might get too intense, they softened the tone, soothing you (with a clot de l’oum st. bart vielles vignes cotes du roussillon- 2005 so yummy!!) into their meaty magnificence.

and that was only half way through.

Then came the arugula, shaved persimmon, soft goat cheese, fried almonds and they started to rock out again sending you peaking into rolling mountains of foodgasm…

cheese, shortbread, perfect honey, champagne poached apricot…..chocolate custard tarts with huckleberry sauce.  oh, oh, oohhhhhhh huckleberry sauce. with pistachios and whipped cream

over and over and over again. phew.

srsly. take a moment. have a cigarette, and think about it.  foodgasms. to music. with art. at a community table. that’s pretty freakin awesome.  dc are you listening?? more of this, please)

but that’s not even it.  they continue…

we work just like we would in our home kitchens, and as our guests- we hope you can tell, and that our ease translates to your comfort and enjoyment.

Well, let me tell you ladies: yes, yes, yes, yes, yesssssss, yessssssssss, YEEEEESSSSSS! I had no idea Portland could bring it so hard, thank you.

and just when you think it’s done……

they even have Real Talk in the bathroom!

WOW ladies, just wow.

gawd. holler.


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