SATC2: thanks for the headdesks.

by

Ann: ok, let’s get friv about satc
FIRST UP miranda’s full-studded dress

YES PLS PUT IT IN ME
er, on me

Aminatou: dude
that dress was fucking delicious
the right amount of everythang
and made me forget what an asshole she is
i mean what more can you ask for?

Ann: she is not an asshole! she had a lobotomy between the last movie and this one to excise all of the snark.
also, can we discuss the subtle phase-out of the cosmo?
they drink other sorts of pink bevs in martini glasses… but not explicitly cosmos

Aminatou: HALLE-LU!  death to all -tinis
it’s like they issued a fatwa on those disgusting drinks

Ann: they probs cut the scene of carrie spilling pink vodka all over the souk and screaming, “I DRINK FLIRTINIS!”

Aminatou: ahaha
ok carrie’s fashions
on one hand i like that she re-wore outifts
and even the dior t shirt

i mean that shit is now 10 years old
but ugh i hate her fashionz overall in this film
also interesting she re-wore the newspaper dress for her date with big
when she originally wore that shiz to poopoo all over big’s ex wife

Ann: aka DEB SHOP clearance rack dress?

Aminatou: like pat field, are you a fashion psychologist?

Ann: lezbereal: the women of america are still 5+ years behind the fashion world, and patty f. is just meeting them where they’re at

Aminatou: also when the arab abaya ladies are like OMG we love american fashionz
that is a BLATANT LIE because obvs zara, mango and europe drive arab fashionz
sorry america, take a back seat

Ann: transnational feminism as channeled through michael patrick king is a frightening thing

Aminatou: also when miley cyrus is not the lowest point of your movie
houston, we have a problem

Ann: ohmygod i totally forgot about miley in that DOG COLLAR.
who styled her, pete wentz in 2k3?

Aminatou: oh probz just her mom
i mean i don’t understand white people anymore
also penelope cruz aka bank of madrid, why did you do this cameo?

Ann: i am trying to recall… were miley and penelope the only cameos??
oh DUH. liza.
participating in the gay minstrel show.

also, HOLY EFF! this magic moment:

Aminatou: SATC needs to stop making trying the 80s happen
it’s like the sopranos, it’s OVER

Ann: get a new show.
i agree on charlotte and samantha. but miranda’s 80s hair?! SO GOOD.
also, plz discuss this:

Aminatou: $4000 dollar jeans
pat field is obsessed so i have to suffer through those jeans
“$47,190 silver-and-gold Chanel lamé dress and overskirt”
DISGUSTING
and tacky
when carrie said she was cheating on fashion with furniture
that shit needs to stay like that forever
furniture porn is the new fashion porn

Ann: if only she’d felt that way sooner, it would have worked out w/ aidan
HA
p.s. where’d all his manjewelry go?

Aminatou: oof
he was full hasselhoff
i know it’s hot
but please button up your shirt

Aminatou: ok back to the plot
most annoying thing ever
was when carrie left her butler some $$
like hello
am i supposed to like you all over again?
also are you going to fix underlying class/ethnic tensions in the middle east?

Ann: yes! under his hotel-issued uniform he is wearing balenciaga, too!
#commonground

Aminatou: also you know how we were talking about pple who loved the show hating the movies
so ive been thinking about this a lot
because these ladies are smart
they can’t all be crazy
so maybe the thing is when they were watching it in high school or freshman year of college or whateves
it was fun and hip
::shudder::
but now they’ve grown up
and carrie and ESPECIALLY charlotte have not

Ann: and realize this shit is BLEAK?

Aminatou: charlotte you are a grown ass woman with 2 kids
GROW THE FUCK UP
carrie, STOP BEING SUCH A FLAKE!
also Big is 2 or 3 years older than samantha
and he’s mr dashing older man
but samantha is putting yamz in her vajayj trying to find the fountain of youth

Ann: thanks for shaming me. must scrape yamz outta my ladycavern now

Aminatou: don’t hurt yourself
oof
hollywood
i hate you
but really it’s our faults
we watch this shit, they will make this shit

Ann: our dollars paid for that slo-mo desert shot and cameltoe jokes.

Aminatou: good lord

Ann: OH also: the GAYeus ex machina to solve the nanny plotline

Aminatou: ha
LESBIAN? PROBLEM SOLVED

Ann: so THAT EXPLAINS why she doesn’t wear a bra!

Aminatou: i mean it was either that or deportation to ireland
also which hand bag are you?
thank you internet boyfriend, gabe

Ann: YOU ARE A BUSTED BIRKIN. do not pass GO. do not collect $15,000
“HAHA, WE’RE JUST HAVING FUN, RIGHT GIRLS? Seriously, though, Sex and the City is bad for humans.” = WIN

Aminatou: lolio
ALSO, this miranda outifit was perfect:

Ann: MIRANNIE HALL

Aminatou: SATC 2: a movie Empire State Of Mind Could Not Save

Ann: SATC 2: not about sex, singles OR new york
way to deviate from your brand, assholes
i suppose that hasn’t been SATC’s brand since season 2, tho

Aminatou: also remember when this was satc

not the bullshit photoshop disaster blingees we get now

Ann: it is all pretty grody
i am nostalgic for the eps where they did man-on-the-street “interviews” about sex
those were the days

Aminatou: i mean
“The movie needs a Thanksgiving bailout opportunity.”

Ann: despite all this, can i say i enjoyed myself?
then again, i also enjoyed the delightful pairing of Barefoot merlot with reese’s pieces
so my taste is clearly suspect.

Aminatou: i absolutely enjoyed myself
needed cheap brain lobotomy down time
it’s hard always thinking about smart alt shit all day
thank you SATC for headdesk

Ann: amen.

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3 Responses to “SATC2: thanks for the headdesks.”

  1. corazones rojos Says:

    I’ve just fallen in love with you two all over again.

  2. leewu Says:

    yes yes yes, thank you so much, ladies! but also, can we talk about the lack of hott middle eastern men?! i mean, clearly they exist! BUT the only attractive dudes were Danish (what’s up with that accent dude?) and Australian. c’mon, now…

  3. jon Says:

    “i am nostalgic for the eps where they did man-on-the-street “interviews” about sex”

    yes.

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